Amanda Truth Project

There was a church that had donated some wonderful presents that year such as the most adorable little bunny dress.  I don't know if the guy knew I loved rabbits (I had 3 as pets by that time) or if it was just a happy coincidence, but I adored that pink and white dress on first sight!  We had her in it a few times, and that's probably the only dress she got to wear more than once.  Lol...

Well, we cheated and opened those early, so on Christmas he gave me my present.  I was surprised because we really didn't have any money to spare.  When I unwrapped the paper, I saw it was a "macy's" box. 

I know I said something to him because I assumed this was a very expensive jewelry that he had no business wasting our money on.  I opened it, fully expecting to tell him to return it and pulled up the cotton.

I don't remember which one I saw first, but there were two ornaments in the box.  One was a heart shaped - I don't know what it is.  Ha ha!  It's got a ball shaped head on top of this star-shaped body and on the head is a stocking cap and hands at the ends of the two star "arms".    The other was a little stained glass angel so tiny and cute.  Both had the name "Amanda" emblazoned on them.

Of course being a pregnant woman I turned into a teary-eyed sappy pile of mush.  We couldn't put up a tree that year because of the size of the matchbox masquerading as an apartment we were living in after I'd moved from the four-bedroom house I'd had when I met him.  So I put them lovingly back in the box, gave him a big tear-stained kiss and we put them away.

Ironically, it was after he was incarcerated that he reminded me in 2007 about the ornaments.  He told me he'd wanted to start a tradition of buying two ornaments each year with her name on it.  He would have too; he's a romantic like that.  So I have kept up the tradition.  I figure maybe I'll stop when he gets out.  In 2007, a woman I knew by chance sent me a gift of a little angel ornament.  So I went and got an ornament with Amanda's name on it.  Last year I got two others, one at Macy's ironically enough when I searched through so very many stores after Christmas confused as to why I couldn't find something! 

I couldn't find the box where I packed them.  What's worse!  As horrible as this sounds, I couldn't even remember receiving the ornaments when Elwood first reminded me about them!  One day after moving I found a Macy's box and after opening it the memories came flooding back; it was as if that Christmas morning came a second time. 

Our Punky wasn't a mistake.  We both wanted her - no one else but her.  She was not the proverbial "mistake" or accident at all.  Elwood and I had plans for our little family.  I know two silly ornaments isn't going to change the minds of the prosecutor or probably the detectives, but these are not the actions of a man who was going to freak out after she was already alive for a few months and kill her - not for any reason.